Tag Archives: Groom

If Ever There Was A Reason (or Ten) To Run Away…

Marriage

Marriage (Photo credit: Lel4nd)

I know my friends and acquaintances are normal. In fact, I’m sure of it.

But there’s no question that they have some very bent branches on their family trees.

My friend “Sam” is a lovely gal with a one-year-old girl, a nice husband and a stable home life. It turns out that she became a sister-in-law last night – to a woman whose personality is a combination of jailer,  attention whore and beyotch-with-a-broomstick. Oh, and this new family member has a mother to match her in all terms of outlandish excesses, from telling people how they should entertain in their own houses to calling out other family members on their weight and manner of dress.

Just reading that paragraph, you’re likely wondering how “Sam’s” brother didn’t see what was coming, and didn’t Bolt like Usain when he had the chance. Family, friends and even church pastors apparently tried talking him out of this (un)holy matrimony. But love is sometimes not only blind; it’s deaf, and beyond dumb.

“Sam” and I, along with a few other friends, came up with a Top Ten-style list of why her brother needed to rethink his decision:

  • Number 10. Bat-shit crazy is an inherited condition: she’ll pass it on to the kids.
  • Number 9. Your marriage will give your family  something to vent about – forever.
  • Number 8. Dear brother, if everyone is telling you this isn’t a good idea, do you think we’re the ones who are wrong?
  • Number 7. She does not want to be just your wife, she wants to be your keeper and jailer. What part of her telling you “You cannot see your friends for six months so we have time to become a real couple” does not scream, ” Because I am so insecure about myself!!!“?
  • Number 6. Marriage to her means Holidays Spent in Hell for the rest of the family.
  • Number 5. When people who are paid to deal with your wedding stuff don’t want to be bothered, it’s bad. Really bad.
  • Number 4. This woman plans to get you, hook, line and sinker; for better and (mostly) for worse, in sickness and (probably not in good mental) health.
  • Number 3. Our family has already started a betting pool as to when she becomes pregnant. The odds are pretty good in favor of your wedding night, even if she has to tie you to the bedposts to get it done.
  • Number 2. Married life is going to be very lonely for you, when the only voice you end up hearing (aside from the one in your own head) is her nagging, whiny one.
  • And the Number one reason this marriage should not go forward: One of you is going to get a real screwing over. And guaranteed, it won’t be her. 

And despite all the warning signs, the marriage did indeed take place. Any other bad omens? Oh, yes; the bride and groom failed to budget properly, running out of money to pay for the post-wedding church cleanup and their honeymoon condo deposit.  I have a feeling that their relationship, like their wallets, will take a major bailout long before the first anniversary well-wishes arrive.

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Wedding Shower Survived. Now Dive Into The Deep End Of the Crazy Pool

English: Bride and groom at the ruins of Sutro...

English: Bride and groom at the ruins of Sutro baths. California, USA. Français : Deux jeunes mariés dans les ruines de Sutro Baths, en Californie (États-Unis). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My friend “T” made it to her nephew’s wedding shower over the weekend. She said the food was good and the restaurant was nice. All went well, considering their party had no reservations. Then again, it was a barbecue joint that didn’t “do” reservations, but that’s another story for another blogpost.

No word on how her highly sensible gift card was received. Since it wasn’t something on the BtB’s wish list, one can only assume she looked at it thought “Hmmmmm…” Hopefully, she at least said “Thank you so much!” out loud.

The ride to the shower was apparently quite instructive, “T” tells me. The nephew (groom-to-be, GtB) is the son of “T’s” sister, and sis held back nothing in terms of how stressful it all has been:

  • The choice of restaurant for the rehearsal dinner is out of the GtB’s parents’ price range. GtB has now accused his folks of trying to ruin his wedding.
  • MooG (Mother of the Groom) wants to have a talk with BtB to explain why relatives just cannot afford items on her registry. But she’s still too much in shock about the invites going out without stamps on the RSVP envelopes or maps to the venue, and the fact that this still-in-college couple “must have” only the best to start out their new lives.
  • The serving of alcohol issue: GtB’s dad is a recovering alcoholic and won’t put in a penny towards booze for anyone.
  • The BtB’s sister and her infant are here visiting from a former Soviet bloc country and don’t speak a word of English. They are staying in the BtB/GtB’s apartment for either the next two or next three months, depending on who you ask.

Needless to say, it’s getting pretty emotionally crowded in that family. The wedding is a month away. I’m considering sending my friend a case of name-brand pain relievers.

“T” is doing her best to stay out of it, and just be a sympathetic ear for her sister. She has elderly parents to worry about; they will soon have to move to a location that is safer and easier for family members to watch them, but will likely remove what little is left of their independence. Been there, faced this, and while my mother passed away before a resolution was reached, the process of getting one’s parent(s) into a new environment is monumentally difficult from both a legal/paperwork process and an emotional one. It makes the selfishness of this particular BtB and GtB seem especially petty. I mean, $60 for a single pillow sham? People still use pillow shams? I thought those were only featured in high-end furniture catalogs, just for show.

Still to come: the rehearsal dinner, the bachelor party (without the GtB, since he could not agree on the date with his best buds) and of course, the big day.

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Dear Couple-To-Be: I Love You, But You’re Expensive. I’m Over It.

A wedding party in 1918

A wedding party in 1918 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I somehow manage to find myself in the middle of a fair share of other people’s wedding drama. It’s a lot of fun, in a sick kind of way.

The latest: my friend “T” has a nephew who is getting married next month. The BtB (Bride to Be) and her intended (GtB, or Groom to Be) are both in graduate school, both scheduled to graduate with PhD degrees in political science next year. OK, I already hear a few eyeballs rolling back in heads. Both in school and getting married before graduation and finding jobs? Yes, you got that scenario so far. Oh, and only jobs at a top university for both of them will be satisfactory.

To make matters even more interesting, the wedding of their dreams is not exactly rooted in any form of financial reality for their families. Their gift registry contains not a single item under $100.00, the bride’s taste in clothes and accessories runs to strictly designer designs and the wedding shower has morphed from a hoped-for simple affair with close friends and family to a full-blown restaurant affair that no family member is really ready to pay for.

To throw on top of that: a bachelor party with no guest of honor (the GtB did not like any of the dates his friends chose, so they are going to party without him) and the BtB and GtB leaving town for a conference just days before the shower, an event to which almost no one has RSVP’ed, possibly because the BtB with champagne tastes did not do the beer budget thing and put stamps on the RSVP envelopes. A simple thing, laughed at perhaps in this digital age, but people still notice. Especially when it’s missing.

“T” has decided to send a wedding gift within her price range, and plans to attend the shower and the wedding, in spite of the expense, which is considerable for her. She’s staying out of the drama for her sanity’s sake, but wonders how these two young people, with good hearts but heads pitched between la-la land and Fantasy Island, will face reality when their schooling is finished and the real world crashes their party.

Stay tuned. The big day is a month away. And we love a good reality show.

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