Feel Better; Offend A Happy Person*

44/365 Today I shall be mostly in the fetal po...

44/365 Today I shall be mostly in the fetal position (Photo credit: smileham)


It’s just that kind of day. Down, blue, out of sorts and expensive (a trip to the dentist and a new set of tires). The dentist was planned; the tires were planned for early next year. But sometimes, a nail in the sidewall, plus more than 40,000 miles, just won’t wait.

And it’s the time of year. I’m coming up on the one-year anniversary of my mother’s passing, and it’s the holidays. I’m fine most days, and other days, I do a very good job that would merit an Oscar for Best Performance by a Lying, Crying, Barely Surviving Individual.

On the bad days, I’m not fond of happy people. I ran into one this morning. Unfortunately, it was my dental hygienist, which meant I was a captive audience. She was so cheerful this morning, I thought she had coffee with a side order of laughing gas for breakfast. Truthfully, she’s a lovely person. Working wife and mother with successful husband and good kids and she does a heckuva job on my teeth. She deserves the money the dentist probably gets, when he spends all of two minutes chairside  to her forty-five minutes. But this morning, I just wanted to snarl or remain silent. No amount of caffeine would have helped me. Even a good dose of chocolate would have been wasted on me.

I got through the appointment without clubbing anyone in the office, and today I’d still be a malcontent if the phone does not ring, if no emails arrive and people just stay away. I’m sorry, Humanity. It’s not your fault. Some days are meant to be lived fully and joyfully. Some days are meant to be lived curled in the fetal position under the blankie. I’m learning it’s OK to have both kinds of days, and experiences all along the spectrum. Overall, it’s still good to be here.



Filed under death, Holiday, mental health, thought

5 responses to “Feel Better; Offend A Happy Person*

  1. wherethedaytakesme

    These kinds of days pass.

  2. lol, I like how despite your shitty day, you found some humor to take you through it.

    ps. If you wanted us to stay away, why are you blogging?

    • nancymn

      Aw, you guys can come in anytime. It’s the rest of the happy folks that I don’t need right now. Bloggers are welcome any time. 🙂

  3. Some days everything ISN’T fine, and it’s hard to pretend it is just so other people can feel better.
    I’m sorry for your loss. Grief over my own mom’s death comes and goes in waves, still. It’s been nine years and sometimes it’s so raw it feels as though it happened yesterday. Other days I can think of her with happiness.

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