No-Plan Wedding Part Two: Bras, Bikinis and WHAT Website?

My friend and fellow blogger is still awaiting the wedding of her brother and the BtB (Bride to Be). It’s happening this weekend. Everyone is looking forward to it (being over).

To bring you up to date, I need to go back in time, when the happy couple sent out “Save The Date”  and “Visit Our Wedding Website” cards a year ago. Turns out my friend’s family is a rather casual bunch.  Very nice folks, well-informed and polite, but formality isn’t their stong suit. News gets around, mostly by word of mouth. The whole notion of checking an online space for information they could actually tell each other in person does not happen. Actual paper invitations are meant for not-so-close relations, and not so many of them are ever invited anyway. So BtB is rather annonyed that no one has visited the site and even worse, some people did not save the date, but have other things to do, like work.

Then there’s the dress code. Or lack of it. Or confusion about it. My friend’s family considers T-shirts, cutoffs and flipflops the order of most days. As she put it, “We clean up just fine for church, work, funerals and other times when it matters.” First, BtB only wanted people who were going to be in the photos to dress formally. Turns out the wedding website says something different: everyone attending must be dressed to the nines, because everyone will be in the photos. Keep in mind this is a Texas midafternoon outdoor wedding. Formal clothing will either stick to you and never come off, or it will spontaneously combust. Not a pretty thought either way.

And then there’s the cousin who’s threatening to come sans brassiere. I don’t know the lady, but my understanding is that her natural state would make her quite the ceremony-stopper. Rumor has it that she has compromised; she’ll be wearing a bikini top. Hopefully, it will be a leopard print under a see-through blouse. That’ll show ’em – literally.

What this wedding needs are some NASCAR-style sponsorships. The tracks, cars, and drivers sport paint schemes and patches of varying sizes, depending on how much the sponsor spends. Why not this wedding?

  • The hairstylist could create an ad for BtB to wear from her beehive, similar to those on banner planes: “Henrietta’s Hair ‘n Hooves. We work miracles whether you’ve got two legs or four”
  • The chairs (what few there will be) could be sponsored by a rent-all company: “Call us to rent early or your butt won’t meet this seat”
  • The keg could advertise the local beer distributor: “Big Al’s Beer Barn – 100 types of beer: none of it good but all of it cheap”

With enough sponsors, the happy pair could even make enough to go on a honeymoon. Hopefully to a place offering more amenities than their wedding venue.



Filed under family, Uncategorized

6 responses to “No-Plan Wedding Part Two: Bras, Bikinis and WHAT Website?

  1. Hey now! My family resembles this!!

    Oh…wait – it is my family….

    Nevermind….carry on.

    • nancymn

      I absolutely cannot wait for the big crazy day. Dang, after all this, I kinda hope it happens. I hope neither of them gets cold feet, passes out, or um you know, somehow turns up MISSING 😮

  2. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    How do I get an invite?

  3. gramma

    What’s wrong with flip flops? Geez, it’s not like they’re going to show up barefoot!

    And what’s the BtB calling formal? Long gowns on the women and tuxes for the men? It’s in TEXAS in summer and in the afternoon. How can it be formal if they’re getting married in the back yard? What did I miss? Am I just so old that “formal” means something different these days and nobody bothered to let me know? I hate when that happens 😡

    • nancymn

      I think the problem is that she could not decide whether it would be everyone going formal or just the main bridal party. So she told folks one thing, but posted something else on the website that no one read. I’ve seen better communication with two tin cans and a string.:o

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