Television Weather Weenies and the First Cool Front

In case you missed it, my neck of the geographic woods got a cool front this week.

Temperatures went from around ninety degrees to about eighty-five degrees, with a noticeable decrease in humidity.

Holy why-should-anyone-care, Batman! Indeed, you are right. But don’t tell that to the television weather forecasters. 

These minuscule changes in the seasons really excite them, much the same way the possible approach of a tropical wave that could become a tropical depression that has a chance of becoming a tropical storm that has a one-in-a-million chance in Hell of becoming a hurricane does.

You see, we have only two real seasons here: summer and everything else. Summer is oppressive, wet, and sticky and the goal is to wear as little as possible and not break any decency laws. “Everything else” is apparently open season for former northerners to drag out leather boots, heavy sweaters, ski jackets and gloves and pretend it’s winter. And the TV weather weenies encourage this, by appearing on camera in sweater vests and wool suits, jabbering about how awesome it is that the air has a nice chill.

I’m calling bull, because the real cold-weather survivors know better. If you’ve lived with such phenomena as “snowbursts” that leave four to six feet of snow in a matter of a few days, lake-effect snow, snowstorms in April and May, and freezing rain in September, South Florida has nothing on you. Compared to truly hardy folks, my state is nothing more than a forecaster’s fashion statement when it comes to real weather. Granted, we get a few cold days. It can get cold enough to kill tropical plants and some animal life, such as iguana lizards, which freeze to death and fall out of the trees. Of course, insects such as mosquitoes die in cold weather, and this is a good thing. 

So, don’t pity us our cool front. It’s the first of many. Yes, we will gloat about it as the rest of the country sits frozen on its collective keester. Oh, and all my sweaters are clean and ready to go. Now, if I could just find my parka…

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