I wondered when this day would come.
I wish it hadn’t taken so long. You didn’t finally “fall” to the lowest possible level. It rose up to meet your lack of decent expectations.
Your life is a mess beyond reason.
The man you’re with is more of a kid than your two kids, and he’s using what few assets you have left to keep himself afloat. Whatever he wants, he whines until you make peace and give in to him. And you’ve done nothing to fix the chronic spending issues. You have to have a “good” cellphone, “trustworthy” car, “decent” house near your folks (so they can provide childcare), lunches out (when you “forget” to bring yours from home). You keep saying you watch what you spend, and it’s less than your friends. But if it’s more money than you make, it does not matter how it stacks up compared to others. The fact is, you’re no longer merely sinking. Your ship is below the water line, and all the bailing you are doing is not saving the boat at all.
And friends have stepped in to help with concrete advice. They’ve offered money management software, spreadsheets, names of bankruptcy attorneys (yes, declaring bankruptcy has become an option, much as you don’t want to believe it), and dozens of ways to cut your spending and pay your debt. None of it represents an easy or painless solution. And what do you do? Sit on your cotton candy cloud, claiming that people are picking on you, and make excuse after excuse as to why you cannot change. I don’t have time, the kids had nothing to wear, my seven-year-old needs a cellphone, my hsband hates the idea of (fill in the blank).
Then came the ultimate delusion: I am not getting rid of my car because I want to be buried with it. Really, you have reached the point where a car without seating for your kids is so important, you’d rather keep it for your someday funeral (as if state law would actually allow your side-by-side burial with that rustbucket) than deal with current reality.
I call this sunshine-out-the-ass thinking, sweetie; because as bright as you try to make it look and sound, it’s still coming from a dark and ugly place.
I’m walking away from your situation, at least for now. I cannot imagine where your self-worth and self-esteem must be, if you still have any left. You can fix this, for yourself and your kids, but this is going to impact everything you do and every financial decision you make. Good luck, and stay away from cemeteries.