The brother of a friend of mine is getting married in just a few weeks. My friend, a fellow blogger, is the wedding-planner-by-default.
The BtB (bride-to-Be) is best described as part ditz, primarily drama queen. The groom is simply a man in love, though is family thinks he is settling rather than seeking Ms. Right. The “plans” for the wedding are not exactly the best-laid type. Rather, they sound more like something an ADD-addled third grader might make up while bored in reading class:
- The happy couple forgot to take the day off before the wedding from their respective jobs.
- The only beverages ordered for the reception of about 100 guests: soda, a margarita machine and a single keg of beer. Neither the keg nor the machine were scheduled to be delivered the night before the reception, so they could be chilled, filled and tested.
- No one is yet designated to get the keg, flowers and cake to the wedding/reception site. They’ve all be ordered, but minus any means of getting from places of origin to final destination.
- Total number of chairs ordered for 100 guests: 20. Only the elderly and the parents/grandparents of the bride and groom will be asked to sit down. Everyone else will be standing, for both the wedding ceremony and the reception.
- Featured food for the reception is barbecue. Not sure how one gracefully eats barbecue standing up. Pick up the pieces, tilt head back, open wide and drop ‘em down, perhaps? Then fold the plate (because you know this is a paper-plate wedding, of course) and drink the sauce along with the small bits.
- BtB insists only one hairstylist on earth can do her hair for the big day. No, stylist cannot possibly come to the wedding venue (read: she doesn’t want to pay her extra to do that) so blogger friend/wedding planner will driver her to the salon, close to an hour’s drive, for an 8 a.m. appointment on the day of the wedding. Then drive like she’s up to her eyeballs in espresso to get her back in time for the ceremony. All this for a teased and sprayed updo that’s supposed to survive a South Texas wedding starting at high noon.
- And as for the wedding venue – it’s outdoors at the couple’s home. In the event of rain, there is a backup plan. It’s their garage. That’s right, they may have to promise to love and cherish each other until death do them part, right there among the rusty coffee cans of screws and nuts. There is at least one Jeff Foxworthy “Redneck” joke in there somewhere.
There is one bright spot in all this. My friend’s mom is doing nearly all the food, so at least there’s a guarantee that 1) it will be good and 2) it will arrive on time and be enough to feed everyone. As for the rest of this event, it does sound like something out of The Down and Out Guide to Dirt-Cheap, No-Budget Weddings.
There will be a follow-up blogpost after the vows are exchanged. After all, you don’t want to be left wondering, do you?